Beloved

 Following Jesus Christ as early as you can is the best thing you can do for yourself. I realized, if I had done the things God had asked me to do, my life would've been a lot better. That by the grace of God I am here, and I've gotten much more out of my life than what I deserve because of his mercy, grace, and favor. And the prayers of my parents and grandmother. Following Jesus Christ as early as you can is the best thing you can do for yourself. You'll get the most out of your life that way.  I thought I had lived my life pretty well, but I see all the areas in my life that had fallen short. I was thinking more highly of myself than reality.

 I was at dentist for teeth cleaning today, and and there was build up that required cleaning. The less I clean regularly and the more I build up, the harder it is to clean up. Same with food mess I make. If I clean it up right away, they come off easily. If I let it sit for a while, then stains are harder to remove. So with sin, and repentance. A slip is easier to fix than a habitual sin. Our hearts also get hardened. Lord, lead us to repentance daily and cleanse us from inside out. Bring us to a deeper place of repentance and bring conviction of sin. Make us into clean vessels for you. Enable us to walk in a higher level of holiness.

I don't have control I don't need to know

I have been struggling with work for many months. I was praying in frustration re:work, and last night I asked God to show me any blockers that I had with work. I believe He brought me to a place of repentance, of the times that I have judged other people for not working/not being faithful/being lazy, etc. and I went through many of "forgive me for judging <someone> for <something>". This morning when I looked at work, I didn't feel as many distractions/negative feelings that I was feeling. Since last year, I've also said "it seems that my mind is battlefield." This morning as I was having an easier time with work (see previous paragraph), I realized, oh have I judged other people for their minds? Then I said, "Forgive me for judging others for being weak in their minds/not smart" etc., and I felt a lot more peace in my mind.  I also remembered the time when I judged/didn't show compassion to my friend who was going through struggle...